why do i always have to deal with all these trust stuffs and all the social problems?

Y'know i really cant stand it anymore, you ppl suck.

For my whole china trip, i've to bear with all the crapshyts updates. Like they never put me into the pic at all, why shld i even care? Just only for ur sake i think. Owells, have to say, even before that i've to slot my guts out ALREADY. mentally, physically.

I thought i'll be better when i come back. But ever since sch started, this is boiling my blood and breathing down my throat.

WHAT ? DOES IT MEAN I MUST HAVE ANOTHER EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN AGAIN?

LIKE YOU EVEN CARE SINCE YOU DONT TRUST ME? WHAT'S WITH ALL THE JEALOUSY AND POINTING OF FINGERS AROUND? i merely spoke from what i think, you said you want honest stuffs from me, i've been an honest good girl, and why do u have to harp on the same PATHETIC pt that i raise once in a while. Do i look like a downright bimbo to you who takes things for granted? I can jolly well cite you a MUCH BETTER example.

I cant stand it if i put so much effort and you ppl just treat me like a transparency. Like what? expect a free labour here? and in the end have to take in all the blames and you ppl blowing hot-and-cold and treating me like even lesser than a nothing among you? PLS BEAR IN MIND THAT THE IDEA'S STILL MINE OK? IF I WANT TO BE MEAN, YOUR WHOLE PROJ WILL VANISH OVERNIGHT. HAH. you wanna argue? C'mon, you're on the losing end.

Why must i even put up a fake smile all these days? Can i choose to not be thick skin even when im much UN-appreciated? Am i that insignificant for you to overlook me? why are you ppl so hypocritical? Cant you all just dont SUCK UP to her? Omg, shes not god yeah? I dont see what's so good abt her when shes just one big hyprocritical person who camouflages herself and freakingly trying to control everything. While on the outside, ppl around her seemed to think she's so damn nice and oh, look at how she treats us. Like we're some indecent girls?! im sick of all these. For many times i've dreamt in china, just to wake up and voice out "I HATE YOU", but realising i was in a completely different situation -.- but this has turned me hypocritical in a sense, and i definitely cant stand to see some ppl blowing hot-and-cold at me. once thinking im an obedient lil' girl and later on, openly stabbing me with your teenie weenie insults.

Y'ppl had done a good job into me giving up hope on you, i'll continue to act like a good good girl. anything i can do to please you and you can make use of me, you know, mould me around, then throw me aside. And get some idiotic woman to accuse me of being some slutty girl. yada yada.

From today onwards, yes, i was still fake up a smile, tries to be nice. And curse you few times everyday behind my back. yeah :D if thats what you want to see instead of my black face from time to time, when you wont really care.

From now onwards, we shall freeze ourselves again and reflect. My bad, i shouldnt have said so much, i shouldnt have praise others in front of you, i shouldnt have been so open about the fact that i still like him quite a lot. but hey, i didnt spell out the words k, dont put words into my mouth. and now i confess to you, just hoping that you'll forgive me. Im not a slutty girl, mama tells me i can only have one thing at once. Therefore i will be faithful, i mean it. unless you break it, and i'll not keep my promise too. but you cant interfere my private life, you cant change my heart, you cant change a fact.

from tomorrow onwards, i shall stay firm & logical. I'll make sure that i dont get taken for granted and i want my credits. They're impt to me. i need them not only for cip, but i need it for my dignity. No one of you shall slap me hard on my face again.

you know sometimes i tend to hate ppl who dont please me and yet again, take away so many of my possessions, even indirectly destroying my life in this world. to these ppl, I REALLY HATE YOU ALL, for once.

Its your turn to cry now, i dont wanna be the one crying all the time and yet they are leading a joyous life out there without even being aware of themselves being culprits.

Good that my tars didnt drop that easily td. i shall stay tough.

tmrw will be better, i need to settle somethings, and im confident i can do it better now.

im so sorry, abt the cip stuffs, dont keep apologising to me. I noe you cant help me. but i'm really glad about the fact that you appreciates me, unlike some others, and more to go...

really wanna thank those who cares and appreciates my presence. thanks, you've been supporting me all along. you noe who you are.

uhh while to some others, sighs, what can i say to you? I give up.

its getting late, ive finish letting go of my thoughts. hope tmrw's a better sch day :)

thanks for reading my rants, if you even bothered, THAT IS.

xoxo love ya for that,